People are often accused of and criticized for only sitting at their altar when they need something. This is something to be cognizant of so you are sure not to have a one-sided relationship with your ancestral court (they need us as much as we need them); HOWEVER, many of us (me included) are unintentional fairweather friends.
If you know me you know I DESPISE fairweather friends. It is so disrespectful to me when people only come around when there are sunshine and rainbows but are nowhere to be found during tempests and rain. I shower all kinds of gratitude towards my spiritual court, I am in pretty constant contact when things are going well but unless I'm desperate, I sometimes avoid them in times of trouble. An unfortunate side effect and consequence of being undiagnosed and high-functioning, but in need of assistance that never came. When you're skilled at many things and catch on quickly people assume you can always figure things out and your help comes slowly... if at all. Hyper-independence is not a strength, it's not a gift, it's a burden and a wound that *will* require healing. I'm still working to heal and drop that habit. I've become much better at asking others for help and turning. to my ancestral court with large and meaningful support requests has been front and center on my docket.
In April 2022 I returned to Antigua for the first time in 15 years. While there I was able to help my deceased aunt transition into the ancestral courts of my lineage, a whole 7 years after her death. It took us both. a great deal to reach that point and while amazing, it was super heavy. I also learned so many new things about my grandma's family, her upbringing, intergenerational conflicts, and visited places that are sacred to our lineage. It was life-altering. It was a pilgrimage and when I returned I struggled to find my new center. After about a month of trying to figure it out myself, I finally opened up at the altar.
Here is what that looked like:
Esteemed Council of Ancestors and Guides,
It’s been a little while. I feel like I’m struggling to catch myself, to truly read climate past Antigua. I’ve tried to take it easy and have a gentle and intentional return. Have I not rested well enough? I feel far away from you, from who I know myself to be. I want to hold you close again. I want to feel held closely again. The distance has felt so abrupt. I know a shift took place in Antigua and it’s time to make adjustments but I feel lost and it has been such a long time since I’ve felt that way. What I feel, what I am right now is disoriented. I had so many plans for the altar upon my return but now we have a kitty baby and those plans are no longer safe. I seek and invite clarity of sight, of knowing, of direction. I invite and call in discernment anchored by the wisdom of our years and experience. I need my confidence to once again match my ability and my competence. Please help me shed the urge to be hasty through this transition. Grant and support me with the fortitude to take one divinely guided step at a time.
Help me remember that all things flow, that all things work together for my good, and that when I surrender to spirit and trust faithfully in my genuine connectivity all things move as universally intended.
Help me to remember the relevant tools and assistance already at my disposal. I know Sophia and my Ori have set me up with everything I need at every moment.
Order my steps forward so that I never confuse the blissful truth of autonomy with the illusion of control.
Feel and receive the enduring love and respect I have for you, Esteemed Council, even as my altar work is in flux. I have neither abandoned nor forsaken you. I hold you in my heart. I walk with you every day. You are imprinted on my very essence. I honor and adore you. I am eternally grateful for your existence. You are mine as much as I am yours. In your midst is my very favorite place to belong.
Thank you for helping me shift my perspective and experience reality more intimately, always. *HERE IS WHERE I BEGAN TO NOTICE AN ENERGETIC SHIFT IN AND AROUND ME*
Like now, I’ve felt like I’ve been struggling to recalibrate like I’ve been distracted.. but in the disruption of my previous flow, my family has been blessed with a new member, and we’ve become closer. My next steps have been reordered. My current steps have been affirmed. Things that have been YEARS in resolution have seen notable movement. Though slightly unfamiliar, there has indeed been flow.
Thank you for always hearing me out. Thank you for your clear communication. I invite you to communicate with me always in all ways.
Love eternally, your daughter Erica.
I've learned that honest vulnerability is ALWAYS rewarded, often immediately. They gave me thorough instructions for a bath, for how to bless and anoint myself, and pointed me toward scripture that I'm still frequently revisiting to this day.
I share this in hope that it gives you the courage to be vulnerable. If nothing else, I hope this inspires you to reflect on whether you’ve put unintentional guards up or applied undue pressure upon yourself, your worship, and your intimate communion with your council. I pray this encourages you to revisit your basics, your foundation. I hope you feel safe to and capable of recalibrating as often as necessary or desired.